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Vol 1: Leading is for everyone
Hi, all. I’m starting this newsletter to explore leadership, but I never expected to. For me, the idea of being a leader used to bring up images of cheesy seminars and shallow airport books written by rich people.
If you’ve ever felt that way, I want you to know this is different. I’m here to empower you and change your perspective. And folks, our perspective really needs to change.
There’s a pervasive view that being a leader is about hierarchy. It’s grounded in the corporate world, which conflates leadership with management. The higher you make it, the more of a leader you are.
When I got my first job in tech, I was so excited. A few years out of college, I was making enough money to cover rent, food, and the things our newborn daughter needed. People talked about the “leaders” (managers) in the company with such awe. Co-workers said they were so smart, and that we were really lucky to hear their thoughts—especially the CEO.
I clearly remember an interaction with him that changed everything. This guy had a reputation for relying on fear and power dynamics to control his employees. Teams would review their work with him, and he would regularly lose his temper—screaming at the people presenting. No one wanted to be on their other end, but somehow, it just kept happening. We all needed to keep our jobs, right?
One afternoon, it was my turn. I’m a writer, and we were looking at some messages I’d come up with for new features. He found one he didn’t like.
“This doesn’t make any sense! What were you thinking?!”
As I stumbled over my words trying to explain why I’d written it that way, he found a mistake I’d made, where I said “less” instead of “fewer.” I should have caught it before, but there it was. He began yelling even louder.
“Who are you? How did you get a job here? You’re an idiot. Where’s the other writer?”
I honestly don’t remember much after that. I couldn’t think straight. Here’s what I know: None of the other 20 people in that meeting called out his behavior. They just listened. My manager told him I’d work on some revisions, but didn’t stand up for me in the face of all that verbal abuse.
I hung up the call, then cried for the next 30 minutes while I walked around my neighborhood.
When we think of leadership as a hierarchy, we end up approving of these people, implicitly or explicitly. We end up excusing abusive behavior. And we end up with way too many White men occupying our mental images of leadership—a group I’m part of, but certainly not proud of. No wonder the topic of leadership can feel so uninspiring.
This unhealthy view of what a leader is hurts everyone. It causes us to celebrate LinkedIn profiles and profitable companies, when we should really be celebrating character, thoughtfulness, and kindness.
Real leadership would have been for someone else in that meeting to stand up for me. It would have meant ignoring the power dynamics and telling this CEO that what he did was wrong. To use the phrase Brene Brown made popular, it would have meant choosing courage over comfort. One of the leaders I look up to most, Vivianne Castillo, uses these words all the time.
Leading is for everyone. It has nothing to do with a job title or role. You don’t need a promotion to be a leader. In fact, you might already be one to the people in your life. It’s a skill that helps you bring others together and accomplish amazing things. But you get to choose how you do it. You can lead with love, humility, kindness, hope, humor, generosity, and so many other things.
Each month, we’ll explore how to find a way to lead that reflects who you are and how you want to show up in the world. I'll share different methods you can try and perspectives from leaders I admire, so we can all expand our view.
Anyone can be a leader. No one can lead like you.
Real leaders: O. Hanna Badmus
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Each month, I ask a leader in my own life to share who they are and what leadership means to them.
Hanna describes herself as an advocate and advisor. A daughter, sister, and friend.
Here’s how Hanna thinks about leadership, in her own words:
Many thanks to Hanna for sharing her story and perspective.