Vol 7: Leading with honesty
One of my first lessons about honesty in the workplace came when I was working at a tire shop after college. The manager was running a sale where customers could buy three tires, then get the fourth one for free. I remember it because he asked me to put plastic letters that wrote “BUY 3 TIRES GET 1 FREE” up on both sides of the sign in front.
The first time I sold a customer this deal, I added four tires to their order, then zeroed out one of them. They loved the price and left happy. Then, the manager saw the invoice. His reaction was strong. “Why would you do this? You can’t just give tires away!” he asked, as if I had just tried to make coffee in a washing machine. I told him I was just following the deal on the sign. He told me the way this deal worked was that we had to increase the price of the other three tires a bit to cover the cost of the fourth. This is when I learned that most deals are artificial. Capitalism isn’t just going to give things away, it will protect its costs. It felt like a lie. Maybe it was, even if the customers were seeing the increased costs of the other three tires up front and agreeing to them.
For a lot of us, this kind of thing is what comes to mind when we think about honesty. Dubious claims. Things that are hard to verify. An overstock of inventory the business needs to clear. A sales target they need to hit.
I think finding ways to be honest about those things is really important, but I want to talk about another type of honesty that brings people together: Being honest about how you feel.
If you’ve ever worked as an employee, you’ve probably heard a proclamation come out from the highest levels of the company. Then, it starts getting repeated by managers at lower levels. That’s a critical moment.
Maybe it’s the CEO saying that there will be layoffs, and that these are necessary for the company to be “agile enough to pivot to new challenges” or something. How would you feel if, after waking up to find half your team gone, your manager starts talking about pivoting to new challenges?
Managers who build meaningful connections in moments like this do it by sharing what they’re feeling, honestly and openly. Usually, they had no say in what happened or how it was communicated, so repeating the company lines will ring false because those words are not their words. When I’m in a moment like this, the most powerful words have come from managers who share their disappointment and frustration. Who share what it felt like for them to have to hear this news. Who genuinely own up to their own responsibility in the situation.
It’s such a fine line to walk, especially if the manager was involved in the layoffs, but if you’re a manager, it’s a line well worth walking.
No matter who you are or what you do, honesty can help you quickly get closer to people and create strong allies. These are moments to choose carefully, but sharing with a co-worker that you’re worried or telling a friend you feel hurt is vulnerability that will often help other people feel its safe to be honest as well.
This kind of thing always comes with a risk. Maybe other people will use your honesty against you. Maybe they’ll label you as unstable. People in authority could even put you through retribution. But that’s how most good things work, right? We choose to do them not because they’re the safest, easiest option, but because they reflect how we want to live.
Choosing moments of honesty is a very personal, very difficult decision. But it can be so rewarding.
Real leaders: Jonathan McFadden
Each month, I ask a leader in my own life to share who they are and what leadership means to them.
Jonathan describes himself as husband; writer; Black and nerdy; lover of God, therapy, DEI, and matcha green tea lattes.
Here's how Jonathan thinks about leadership, in his own words:
"My perspective on leadership is centered on influence, character, and trust. I had a brush with management at a former job and quickly realized that what I loved most about it was coaching and advocating for the three practitioners who reported to me. I made a deliberate effort to create a safe space where they could be candid and vulnerable, and I fought for them in rooms where they didn’t have access. I trusted their commitment to the work and their own professional growth, and they trusted me to represent their best interests, even as I was leaving the company for another opportunity. I find those same attributes at play in my personal life: I’ve led a Bible study for the last two years and, in January, I was licensed as a minister and delivered my initial sermon. Psychological safety is paramount in my faith community, and it’s my responsibility to foster an environment where people can grow, learn, and unburden. My title is inconsequential; my humanness is leadership."
Thanks, Jonathan.
Another workshop on April 28th
My March workshop on influencing design as a writer sold out quickly, so I'm launching another one for April 28th! I hope you can join us at that one if you're interested.
As before, there is an early pricing discount. Get $100 of if you register before April 1st.
Get all the details and sign up
Stay tuned, as I'll be announcing more workshops throughout the year, including one meant for anyone who wants to get better at collaboration in their life and work.
Keep an eye on leadinglikeyou.com for those details. I also mention them here.
As always, thanks for reading. Feel free to reply any time. I always loving hearing your thoughts.